em•pow•er /verb/ to make someone stronger or more confident

When someone smiles at you. When someone winks at you. When someone throws a compliment your way. When someone holds your hand. When someone tells you how much you have helped them. When you win something. What are some things that make you feel like you’re on top of the world? What are some things that happen around you, to you, that make you feel stronger and more confident?

I think it’s important for all humans at every age to identify this for themselves.…..because as we age “it” changes. Things that we once had in place that may have been an extreme source of empowerment may not be there FOREVER. What happens to us when they are gone are predicted long before during the days of hard work that we put in building strength and confidence.

So what we do every day, every week, every year each decade of our lives is crucial to becoming and making it long and hard through the days where it feels like there is no end in sight and equally long and hard through the days when our hearts are broken.

Finding the source of what brings us happiness, especially as children, teens and early adults, helps us as individuals identify our foundation that will serve us well into our days throughout life and bring us strength. As much as we try to mold others and influence what will give them that confidence, it’s through pure EMPOWERMENT that we can guide other individuals on that path towards discovering it for themselves and within themselves so that the essential essence and pillar of confidence is INNATE. A framework that seems “fitting” for everyone else or a “mold” that seems right for your parents, your community or our society in general doesn’t necessarily explain what’s right or most fitting

for

you.

Period.

Remember that.

I wish I could say that there is a framework to guide you. I wish I could point you to the answers. I would love to tell you that it’s black and white, clear as day and even give you the playbook.

But I can’t.

No one can.

No one ever will……

and this my friend is where the real WORK comes in. It’s WITHIN the moments when you are alone inside your heart and head and you have to actually listen to……. your own heart and head. Failure to nourish your heart and head through neglect or lack of awareness HOW with self love can be detrimental as it builds up or more likely breaks you down.

.

.

.

Listen to yourself. Learn SELF-LOVE. Study yourself and what works and understand what doesn’t. Then PIVOT.

I believe that years of therapy have helped me discover so much in this area and I’ve become intrinsically reflective. It only makes sense that you would after years of session after session in sharing and hearing back what was shared and analyzing it so that at some point you have the ability to recognize it and honor it on your own. I think that’s why asking questions, slowing down, allowing oneself or others to “pause”, honoring the feelings that are occurring and then reflecting and discussing their meaning are all powerful elements for growth and EMPOWERMENT.

Study yourself. Learn and GROW and embrace what works and let go of everything else.

xo

I think you know how much I love you. I pray you always know

how

Much

I love you.

But over the course of the rest of my life with you I hope and pray that you love yourself even MORE.

Life isn’t pretty nor perfect. In fact, it’s FAR FROM BOTH but you fortunately may only see so much….

Sometimes as we grow and learn we either see “too much” or we may not see enough. To be perfectly honest, I saw too much. I don’t blame anyone for this but I know for a fact that I saw too much. I only know it was too much now because at the time it just was what it was and it wasn’t until looking back and seeing it play through that I realized that I needed help to get past it and needed support to let go.

That there is actually my point. When you are going through “it” you won’t realize it and you will push your way through because that’s the only way you know how. To PUSH. It isn’t until you have the chance to breathe and actually take a breath to step back and to analyze and acknowledge that “damn that was hard” – while I did everything I could to make it work, to establish any sense of normalcy and make the absolute most of my situation- you can look back with 100% love and acknowledge that it really is ok to not be ok.

Accepting, acknowledging, bridging peace and honoring your roots and your past ARE EQUALLY AS IMPORTANT TO LETTING GO AS THEY ARE TO LOVING YOURSELF AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE GOING FORWARD.

Baby I love you so

Much. But I pray that the love I see in you is as strong and resilient as the love you see in yourself.

“You have to love yourself first before

You

Can

Love

Someone

Else.”

I 100% agree with this.

Do everything for YOU that brings you JOY and HAPPINESS and love what you do and who you are and where you are going. It’s not always going to be rose glasses and peachy fun but keep in mind that hard things are worth the fight and nothing in life comes easy….. so embrace that piece that doesn’t come with ease and know that it’s purpose is bringing you closer to what you desire and while it may not be exactly how you pictured it to unfold- there is 110% a purpose and a reason and I love you…….

Find every reason every day to love yourself….. TOO.

I promise

You this…….find all the reasons and all the ways and remember what you send out to the universe you shall see again and receive.

xo I love you.

I just realized I have committed to 21 days of blogging to prove a point to MYSELF first and foremost that a habit is developed after 21 days. I let my blog “slip” during the pandemic…… so here we go with less than 3 hours to spare.

Watch out. Watch your back. Be a defensive driver. Know who your audience is. Know who is following you. Etc etc etc.

You can ask my husband. I have always been the one to “watch out”. Always on high alert. More aware of my surroundings than I should have been at a much earlier age than I should have been because my exposure to it came much sooner than most.

Exposure? To what? …….L I F E.

I was the kid worried about everything. I think as an assistant principal this served me WELL because I was on high alert about every person that walked in our doors. I was on top of every custody battle, every court hearing, every person who checked in the “eat lunch”.

It also created problems for me as well. I never turned off.

If you know what I mean here……if you never turn off the job then you lack the balance of a healthy lifestyle and mindset. It caused major problems.

But watch out…..

Watch out for people who talk more than they LISTEN.

For people who steal your time or seems to monopolize your time.

For people who repeatedly make you feel less than you should. Those people are quick to judge and outspoken enough to point out your flaws or why you lack.

Watch out for these people.

Watch out for the people who tell you they are “so busy”. If they are your true family they won’t be “so busy”. I’ve learned the hard way and I wish I could say that I have learned from my mistakes but I haven’t. Hence why I share this in writing because it isn’t something that’s easy to recognize or swallow or overcome.

So watch out for that.

My biggest thing for this early in my quest here to share my thoughts 21 days straight is to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Know your worth and watch out for

Anyone

Anyone Who ever EVER jeopardizes it.

Xo

The lightbulb goes off the moment you realize that you CAN find all the tools you need but unless you can access them and hit them up during your most vulnerable AND DARKEST moments then they really aren’t worth…….$hit.

Tools are developed over time but sadly many people don’t know they EVEN have them or utilize them unless they have had the opportunity to recognize what they are and how much value they bring.

Your “tool box” consists of your personal mechanisms that help you navigate through each day of your life. Some of these tools are abused or overused and some of them are so simplistic we fail to recognize their role and importance.

In counseling, an example set of tools exists when someone develops an awareness of each of their 5 senses and can pinpoint for each one what brings them joy, happiness, peace and serenity.

Some people start with pictures. Others might need physical replicas. Furthermore if you can walk your mind through each of your five senses when anxiety or pain and trauma creeps in and then identify with the corresponding images that redirect and stimulate that “sense”….. you are utilizing your tools.

It sounds so simple and honestly simple is what it should be because during your darkest or hardest moments you need simple and immediate recognition to SEE you through.

So even if…. you can honestly say that you have no trauma in your life. Nothing that speaks demons in your mind and nothing that brings you down you can proactively prepare your toolbox with each of your senses so that when the inevitable occurs you can – to the best of your ability – cope and talk yourself through.

My example is this:

Eyes: I see a beach and water

Nose: I smell pine

Ears: I hear waves or laughter

Mouth: I taste …… welp I’m a foodie so I have a list when it comes to this.

Touch: I feel warmth and softness

Try it!!!!!!!!!

Make a list. Think about it daily. Let your mind travel and feel each of these tools that bring you peace.

Your future self will thank you someday. You can walk your mind through a pattern of thinking about each of these over and over to help Calm and redirect.

Xo.

So maybe you are on the team of thinking that setting New Years resolutions are dumb because either you never keep them or you see others don’t ever keep them.

So – you just don’t do it.

But – WHAT IF you kept it up for just 21 days……???

AND what if you started in MARCH after the whole bull crap of daylight savings time passed???

AND …..WHAT IF you suffer from SAD, (seasonal affective disorder) ? The hardest months for YOU can be August-October and then again in January-February. So starting during those times can be equally as HARD!!!

✔️

It took having panic attacks in different cities for no “apparent” reason and checking myself “in” for heart related observation and testing for 3 years in a row during the exact SAME TIME of year for my doctor to say, “Amy, this happened at the same exact time of year last year and look you said almost the same exact same things”…..Noticing these patterns isn’t always apparent to the person going through them.

Communication.

Had I not communicated to anyone I was struggling – that pattern may not have been discovered. We have a problem in this society of thinking that maybe we don’t need help. We think along the lines of “we-should-be-able-to-control-it-because-it-isn’t-that-bad” type of thoughts.

Additionally, if we don’t otherwise note it somehow for ourselves we have no way of tracking our progress and analyzing where we are, our “true north” or where we “should be”. Being reflective is a skill we can teach little humans early on to develop. Understanding our weaknesses and our strengths helps us later in life when “fight or flight” mode kicks in.

Another really important side bar- I constantly have to remind myself when my kids are “down” to stay away from saying, “you’re OK”.

My youngest of 4 helped me with this one. When he’s crying and I say “you’re ok”….. he always responds with, “I am NOT ok”.

Omg buddy. You are RIGHT. You are NOT ok and THAT IS TOTALLY OK!!!!! Right?

If we are constantly telling a kid they are ok when clearly they are not ok, they are conditioning themselves to quickly dismiss whatever it is that’s bothering them or hurting them. We are diverting the attention from the problem and minimizing how it’s making them feel verses helping them through the steps to feeling better.

Sometimes we have to allow THEM to sit in that space. We cannot be so quick to FIX IT FOR THEM. We have to remember that letting them sit in that space to feel the feels and then talking about how it might take some time and some tools to help them out……is a much better way long term even though it stings for us and them in the short term.

Tools. Tomorrow on Day 3 I’m sharing some tools.

xo

It’s been a while since I have used this blog and it wasn’t on purpose but I missed the renewal of it. It has been one of my “goals” to continue it.

The biggest reason I want to continue it is because someday when I’m no longer here, I want my kids to have this to look back on.

Quite honestly, the blog format makes the most sense for me because during this 10 years of being “mom” I’ve dealt with the biggest and most painful of broken hearts.

One of the hardest parts of being “mom” has been doing it with a broken heart. Being “happy” is something I have generally embraced my entire life. I’m a huge believer in waking up every single day and living it like there’s NO tomorrow.

So someday my babies will have this and maybe it will help them in some way understand with the complexities of my content and maybe it will also help them on a deeper level.

But why stop there? My history isn’t a secret. I’m actually an open book- mostly because communication has always helped me navigate through life and because I refuse to go through life feeling sorry for myself. When people feel sorry for themselves or don’t like their narrative, sometimes they take it out on other people. That’s another thing I try to focus on daily…. unfortunately that’s NOT how I was raised. I’ve spent years and YEARS of counseling and therapy to understand how people can go through LIFE deflecting their pain on others….

I won’t go THERE just yet……instead I want to share a LOT of things that have helped me. One of them being…..

21 days. 21 days of what?? A habit. It’s in my MOLD to practice my craft. It’s in my blood. I can 100% thank my parents for instilling in me the discipline and HARD WORK. From basketball to teaching to following my heart and chasing my career path to the next level, I worked HARD. My dad always told me “no matter how hard you think you are working, someone somewhere is working HARDER than you”. That stuck with me. I wanted to be the one working harder because when I faced you on the court next season it was going to be your ass I wanted to crush.

So what’s with this 21 days? I have met more people in my life with EXCUSES. It’s actually one of my PET PEEVES. I can’t stand excuses.

So 21 days gives you more than just a day or 2 to GIVE UP.

21 days really makes you stop, assess, look at your current situation, reflect, pause over what you really want it to be like and then make a really solid, honest, SMART GOAL.

Why 21 days?? I’ve read many many times that it takes 21 days to form a HABIT. So, for someone like myself who loves NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, it’s also important that I recognize my strengths and weaknesses relative to my goals so I can accurately push myself or even know when to pull back.

WARNING: *heavy part ahead.

If you are in a “happy place” right now or need to stay in your happy place right now don’t let this distract you. Come back to it or just stop reading. I’m not always a goofball…. I can actually be very serious too.

SO…..It is also for this reason that I can confidently say that I will never commit suicide. It won’t happen. I spent my life wondering how people could do that but I never once talked about it. Every time I hear that someone did it- I immediately go backwards in a downhill spiral of PTSD. I listened to my mom talk about it. I even knew her plan. I never even told my dad but as it turns out I didn’t have to (another deeper topic I’ll be sharing). I sat next to a canal at 21 years old and contemplated whether or not being dead would be a better option. Still, I never talked about it with my parents or friends. Well- maybe a couple of friends KNEW. Because I actually did communicate. I talked to some people about it- Namely counselors and psychologists because yet again- communication. The reason I’m sharing this is because over the course of 21 days a LOT can change. My mom died on day 22 but your “HABIT” can also be LIFE CHANGING on day 22!!!! Communication is a key to HABIT FORMING. I believe this!!!!! I think you have to have some people in your life to share these goals with, to cheer you on, to call you out and also push you.

So if you are new to setting resolutions, setting goals, or even just communicating within yourself or to others where you want to be in 21 days……. I sincerely encourage you and HOPE that you can start TODAY. I’ve been silent for many years but I am filled with so much joy when I can help others understand and support others in their personal awareness of the complexities that surround the wellness of our mental and physical health!!!!

XO

*thank you for reading.

Someone very close to me told me that when they look in the rear view they can’t put themselves past some things. When I look in the rear view I often see my babies and my precious cargo. I fight daily to forgive any baggage that’s too heavy for me to carry and if it’s not worth holding onto because of the weight, I let go. Kind-of like the airport requesting that your suitcase be under 50 lbs…… be selective in what you put in and mindful of its weight.