It’s been a while since I have used this blog and it wasn’t on purpose but I missed the renewal of it. It has been one of my “goals” to continue it.

The biggest reason I want to continue it is because someday when I’m no longer here, I want my kids to have this to look back on.

Quite honestly, the blog format makes the most sense for me because during this 10 years of being “mom” I’ve dealt with the biggest and most painful of broken hearts.

One of the hardest parts of being “mom” has been doing it with a broken heart. Being “happy” is something I have generally embraced my entire life. I’m a huge believer in waking up every single day and living it like there’s NO tomorrow.

So someday my babies will have this and maybe it will help them in some way understand with the complexities of my content and maybe it will also help them on a deeper level.

But why stop there? My history isn’t a secret. I’m actually an open book- mostly because communication has always helped me navigate through life and because I refuse to go through life feeling sorry for myself. When people feel sorry for themselves or don’t like their narrative, sometimes they take it out on other people. That’s another thing I try to focus on daily…. unfortunately that’s NOT how I was raised. I’ve spent years and YEARS of counseling and therapy to understand how people can go through LIFE deflecting their pain on others….

I won’t go THERE just yet……instead I want to share a LOT of things that have helped me. One of them being…..

21 days. 21 days of what?? A habit. It’s in my MOLD to practice my craft. It’s in my blood. I can 100% thank my parents for instilling in me the discipline and HARD WORK. From basketball to teaching to following my heart and chasing my career path to the next level, I worked HARD. My dad always told me “no matter how hard you think you are working, someone somewhere is working HARDER than you”. That stuck with me. I wanted to be the one working harder because when I faced you on the court next season it was going to be your ass I wanted to crush.

So what’s with this 21 days? I have met more people in my life with EXCUSES. It’s actually one of my PET PEEVES. I can’t stand excuses.

So 21 days gives you more than just a day or 2 to GIVE UP.

21 days really makes you stop, assess, look at your current situation, reflect, pause over what you really want it to be like and then make a really solid, honest, SMART GOAL.

Why 21 days?? I’ve read many many times that it takes 21 days to form a HABIT. So, for someone like myself who loves NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, it’s also important that I recognize my strengths and weaknesses relative to my goals so I can accurately push myself or even know when to pull back.

WARNING: *heavy part ahead.

If you are in a “happy place” right now or need to stay in your happy place right now don’t let this distract you. Come back to it or just stop reading. I’m not always a goofball…. I can actually be very serious too.

SO…..It is also for this reason that I can confidently say that I will never commit suicide. It won’t happen. I spent my life wondering how people could do that but I never once talked about it. Every time I hear that someone did it- I immediately go backwards in a downhill spiral of PTSD. I listened to my mom talk about it. I even knew her plan. I never even told my dad but as it turns out I didn’t have to (another deeper topic I’ll be sharing). I sat next to a canal at 21 years old and contemplated whether or not being dead would be a better option. Still, I never talked about it with my parents or friends. Well- maybe a couple of friends KNEW. Because I actually did communicate. I talked to some people about it- Namely counselors and psychologists because yet again- communication. The reason I’m sharing this is because over the course of 21 days a LOT can change. My mom died on day 22 but your “HABIT” can also be LIFE CHANGING on day 22!!!! Communication is a key to HABIT FORMING. I believe this!!!!! I think you have to have some people in your life to share these goals with, to cheer you on, to call you out and also push you.

So if you are new to setting resolutions, setting goals, or even just communicating within yourself or to others where you want to be in 21 days……. I sincerely encourage you and HOPE that you can start TODAY. I’ve been silent for many years but I am filled with so much joy when I can help others understand and support others in their personal awareness of the complexities that surround the wellness of our mental and physical health!!!!

XO

*thank you for reading.

Someone very close to me told me that when they look in the rear view they can’t put themselves past some things. When I look in the rear view I often see my babies and my precious cargo. I fight daily to forgive any baggage that’s too heavy for me to carry and if it’s not worth holding onto because of the weight, I let go. Kind-of like the airport requesting that your suitcase be under 50 lbs…… be selective in what you put in and mindful of its weight.