I’ve been around “victims” my entire life. I’ve also been around NARCISSism my entire life.

Scary right? Sad? Sure. Truth……. 100% YES.

So here I am going into it for a little moment to shed some light so that maybe I can help anyone else who has been impacted by it…. including my children. I was “forced” to grow up at a very early age. I was aware of too many adult things at a very early age. I don’t necessarily want to “shelter” my kids or keep them in a bubble… but I contemplate it every day and thankfully we are going through many incredible “life lessons” just by doing and living. And it’s beautiful. You can’t predict it and it’s actually a GOOD THING for your kids to experience adversity and learn how to handle it while they are young and impressionable and under your roof.

Back to the “victims”…

If you are a victim, back yourself up for a second because I am not going to defend you here. This post isn’t about sympathy. I’m about to give you a dose of tough love if you decide to keep reading this and I don’t happen to piss you off first….. BECAUSE LET ME BE CLEAR:

We are all victims of something.

Too bad I have learned this the hard way-

AND

that is why I’m giving it a double dose of reality here. Most of the time we LEARN by default because we have been harmed in some way and we consequently are in a “victim role”. We are taken advantage of. Someone mistreats us. We go through a series of stages in which we may have guilt, we may question ourselves into thinking we must have done something wrong and we may even be convinced that the other person isn’t at fault at all. We might beat ourselves up. We may feel like we somehow “deserved this”.

First of all, anyone who makes us feel this way to begin with should really be the one in question here.

You and only YOU can protect yourself enough to take ownership in a higher regard of self love so that your inner peace is never compromised. Don’t ever let someone do that to you. Ever.

In other words….. question the situation with: is it really you?

What I have learned through many many relationships is that if you are on the receiving end of any sort of behavior that makes you question any or all of the above, you have to not only take responsibility if any of it is justified, but furthermore if it really isn’t justified THEN YOU have to honor and recognize that as soon as possible.

The person dishing it is the one who really needs to work on his/herself and in many cases if they fail to recognize that- there isn’t much more you can do in many cases and you may need to just walk away.

You need to remove yourself and walk away.

This isn’t easy. Many times people feel like it also can’t be done because that isn’t an option.

Often it starts with setting boundaries. Identifying “it” and protecting your space, your health, your well-being, your peace, and your future.

You don’t have to be a victim forever AND you don’t need to let “victims” bring you down either. That’s on you.

Recognize it. Identify it. Reflect and then do what’s best for YOU.

XO