If you are a parent this may resonate with you. I recently had a mom who just had her fourth baby ask me:
how the heck do you do it with 4 babies?
Well here is what I know now.
When I first started there were 2….. then there were 3….. and 4. All in diapers. My mom shortly before she passed away said over and over to me “I don’t know how you do it”.
First of all, I will tell you that I don’t have the answer. I learned by “messing up”, crying and just growing with my children.
I will also tell you…. it has been UGLY. The past ten+ years have been a blur, they have been ugly, messy and heartbreaking. (Probably what a new mom doesn’t want to hear but there isn’t one day that goes by that doesn’t wish I could go back and try it all over again)
My biggest pitfall was not feeling comfortable enough to ask for help. I needed SO MUCH HELP. But from the inside it looked like everyone else had it all together, had their own life and I needed to figure my shyt out.
I look back at my upbringing though and realize that there wasn’t any help. There were always bigger problems and my needs were minimized early on.
First lesson for me as a mom and something I will be careful to provide for my kids. I think everyone needs help. You have to ask. You are NOT some super human hero.
I look back at another lesson that I have been attending to since my early 20’s and urge anyone at any stage to take in…..
Get help!!! I literally drove myself and all four of my kids to my doctor 2 times within a year insisting to be seen because I was certain that my heart was going to explode. I called Matt home from NYC one time because I spilled an entire egg carton of eggs on the floor and all the kids were crying and I didn’t know who to call. I won’t even begin to tell you how much money I have spent over the past 10 years on therapy and I still do……….get the help.
I have also found “my tribe” and have lost “my tribe” more times than I can count over the past 10 years. This is probably the hardest part. It is a revolving door. Your capacity to deal with things will change. Other people won’t be able to deal with that change. Needs will change. Everything changes.
This is not your fault. Perhaps it is no ones. But remember that people either come into your life to teach YOU a lesson or for you to teach THEM a lesson….. learn to let go if they aren’t meant to stay.
Don’t try to make everything perfect. I tried for a while….. I was trying to make up for all the things I had lost, all the things my kids lost, and for all of the imperfect. This is extremely dangerous.
Being a mom was everything I wanted to be. It took us 5 years to get there and looking back I realize why. I needed to build strength for what was to come.
Don’t be scared. I have lived my entire life in fear…. mostly fear of losing the people I love the most. Don’t be scared…. just STAY IN THE MOMENT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
That is nothing new right?! You cannot change the past and there is no point in worrying about the future because it robs you of the JOY you have today.
Remember that saying that “today is a GIFT and that is why we call it the PRESENT?! Stay in the joy as often as you can, cry and get help every time you need to and don’t feel bad about your feelings. This is your life and nobody elses. Nobody else’s opinion matters- the only thing that matters is YOUR peace and joy and loving your babies.
xo,
Amy