I got my

First teaching job direct out of college. I literally was doing phone interviews in my dorm room.

But that summer- something happened. I was 22. I was done playing college basketball which honestly was a sigh of relief. I was ready to move on. That summer I raised the bar high. I spent 10 hours a day on some days working in my brand new classroom. I wasn’t eating right. I most definitely took a 180 from what my body had been used to playing ball in the BIG EAST and training hard core 12 months a year.

In fact…. I lost 25 pounds and I wasn’t even realizing it. I was slowly crumbling. No matter what I did in my head- I wasn’t good enough. I would work 10 hours in my classroom and lay aside the canal afterwards spinning one what to do next. Not sure what to do next. I was having panic attacks. I was going in circles. I started the school year. I spent 2 days with a new group of kids. And then the 9/11 attacks happened. I wasn’t in school that day. I had already dug myself in so deep that I was home “sick”. I was stuck. I was paralyzed. I was fragile. And then this happened to our world.

Anyone who wasn’t “stable” during this tragic time in our countries history knows that this was exactly the trauma that would cause someone to crash.

And I did. I had no strength.

I stayed in my dark room for days. I refused to come out. I told my school district and my parents that I was done teaching. Done.

Thankfully my district superintendents were the people they were. 3 men who were all my dads age or older and they showed me that they fully could understand that I wasn’t in the right mind or space to walk away from my hard earned teaching job and they were not going to let me. Thank GOD for them.

It was my first REAL WORLD experience of LOSING CONTROL. It was my first real dose of love that turned SELF LOVE.

Long story short- I not only went back as a teacher but also went back to school with my districts support to become an administrator. I even landed my first principalship position IN THAT DISTRICT.

So what did I learn?

You can NOT pour into others when your cup is empty.

It doesn’t work that way.

Mentally, physically, emotionally and in terms of being nourished I had to go back to square one. I didn’t want to end up in a psych ward. My parents made it clear to me that it wouldn’t be a good option.

Was it hard?

Hell yes. Do I share that story often? NO.

But considering the shit storm I have been through since that ripe age of 22….. I feel like it’s something that can happen to people and I also figured it was best to start here at the beginning.

Will all my blogs be this “Debbie Downer” in nature?

OH Hell no. It’s just not who I am and it’s not the best version of

Me.

Don’t ever get to the point where you are fully armored to handle what you cannot not control. More on that to come.

XO,

Amy